Keep Calm and Carry On

...And today in the Drallak Show House(TM) we are modelling 'Building Site Chic'. As you enter the house, note the fetching tan sheen to the carpet, broken only by the central walk way - which has become a sort of packed down mortar brown. Coming into the front room, I would draw your attention to the lump of concrete adorning the centre of the room. The metal pole and wires sticking out of the concrete are optional, and can be added for (of course) a small fee. Note well the carcass of an old chimney breast. The poorly bricked effect is not achieved without great effort. Chat to one of our representatives to find out more. The back room, if you will ignore for the moment the old sheets upon all the furniture, has what we call the 'old for new' effect. This effect is most noticeable where the new fireplace has been coated in more of our trademarked brown dust - to give it the authentic 'no-one has lifted a duster in here for years' look. We expect to see a more dramatic effect on the furniture tomorrow, when the sheets are removed thoughtlessly and more dust is accumulated.

In the kitchen, you will see that the brown dust has settled evenly upon all sufaces, including the butter that was left open this morning. From what we are told, this adds vital roughage to your diet - though the dieticians we have are still divided on the subject. Upstairs, in the master bedroom, you will notice the rather fetching hole in the floor - where the hearthstone once supported by the chimney breast downstairs has collapsed into the room below. Nice.

All in all, not a bad day's work. The cleanup effort will be collosal, but as you can see, the look is here to stay.

Yeah. It's a nightmare in here today. I went out on a mum-sponsored shopping trip this morning, only to return to find the house in pieces. The simple exercise of removing the anachronistic seventies chimney breast has been wholly disastrous from start to finish. The house looks uninhabitable and to top it off, I'm having to sleep in the spare room because my parents are taking my room tonight. They are using the feeble excuse that there is a hole in their bedroom floor, but I'm not buying it.

I wanna go back to Cardiff!