Keep Calm and Carry On

I'm not really sure what to feel right now. I'm hot, tired, horny and alone.

Damn the warm summer evenings. They awaken something, a restlessness. Not good. I want to be cool, calm. Just curled up under a duvet, the winter cold soothing me.

It's been difficult to bring myself to write an entry. I need something, but I'm not sure what. Sex? Always good... But not right. I don't know. Not anymore.

And underneath it all, a thin spidery thread of anxiety. I'm having an operation in less than two weeks. I've never had to go into hospital for anything major. The last time was when I got a splinter stuck behind my nail and had to have it taken out under a local anaesthetic.

So I'm worried. I'm scared. I just want to make it all stop.

At least for a little while.

How do you switch everything off?