Keep Calm and Carry On

Apparently, I'm a Gay Ass Bitch. Well, according to Ew, that is. Or should that be Mr/Ms Ew? Well, anyway - that is what I was kindly informed I was on my guestbook.

Now, excusing the reaction of ew ew ew (because we all get that reaction to something - mine is triggered when my female friends discuss their periods. Though, because I'm english, it's more like 'urgh' than 'ew') lets think about being a Gay Ass Bitch.

First, I thought I was just an ass-bitch who happens to be gay. You know, someone who constantly insults other people's behinds. And who happens to be gay.

But then I thought - what if Ew meant I was a Gay-Ass bitch?

So I had a sudden mental picture I thought it might amuse to share.

I'm standing in a bar, (leaning on it, in fact) calmly drinking the beverage of my choice, while some stud is taking me roughly from behind (and it has to be roughly - that's all part of the fun).

The conversation with an acquaintance might sound something like this:

"What? Oh, him. Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's my ass, you see. It's gay. I've tried telling it that my anus is just for shitting, but it thinks that dick is the only way forward. What can I do? But anyway - have you seen what she's wearing? Doesn't she know horizontal stripes make her look like a heifer? And pedal-pushers? How last season are they?"

Thank you, Ew. you have provided me with an image that'll keep me chuckling for weeks to come.