Keep Calm and Carry On

Love the red wine. Love my mum.

Hate death. My mum's friend just died. So, on top of my grandmother's death, she now has to deal with the death of her friend. I trying to help, but what can I say? I can do nothing except offer a shoulder.

I can do that now I'm taller than her.

And wine. I like wine, she likes wine. Sounded like a good idea to me. So I'm fairly drunk right now.

I'm lonely. I want a boyfriend. Trouble is, I want a boyfriend who sees me as a friend - not one who sees me as someone to have a lugh with but doesn't require any maintenance.

I'm high maintenance. I want someone to help me through the insecurity. I want someone who can see through the spell I weave. I want someone who doesn't stop at the first layer.

Cos there is a hell of a lot more than that first layer. I want to show someone the part of me that cries when television characters get hurt. I want to show the part of me that likes to write - and just craves the affirmation resulting from it.

I want to snuggle. I want to wake up in someone's arms without feeling smothered. I want to live in someone's arms like there needn't be any more tomorrows, because today is enough.

In short - I want the impossible.

I also need to stop listening to Portishead. It's doing nothing for my mood, believe me.

It's not important. I'll be over it soon. And you can go back to being who you were and I can go back to being who I was. Nothing changes. I doubt it ever will.